DISQUS

bb · 1 year ago

Set boundaries. Tell him you're sure he'll make it look fine (the furniture). If you want to be friends with him, suggest something that YOU want to do. You're not a 'couple' now so it's really in your best interest to put yourself first.

BowlingAlleyLawyer · 1 year ago

thank you so much for your quick response.. and I never thought about it that way. I guess I really do get to call the shots now. I like thinking about it that way! :)

Jeff · 1 year ago

I agree with bb . . . listen to your feelings. If you don't feel like being with him or seeing him or helping him with something, then just don't do it. It's weird that he expects things to suddenly be normal, and you shouldn't feel obligated to play along with that. If you say simply "I'd rather not," or "in light of everything that just happened, I don't think I should"--you've acted with grace and still listened to your feelings. You can graceful in tone, but ultimately do what you want to do. (And by the way, grace can be overrated too.)

BowlingAlleyLawyer · 1 year ago

wow thanks guys. I love getting the male perspective (bb? i dunno if you are a boy or a girl!)
the problem is I don't want to fall into old habits, but it is way too easy to be with him right now to keep myself from being lonely, but ultimately, that would just lead to more heartache on my part (I think).

boundaries.. just say no... I think I got it.

Woolie · 1 year ago

I think Jeff had the best line with "in light of everything that's happened I don't think I should."
He might need a gentle reminder about the current situation. Or do the two of you need to have a conversation about expectations?
Maybe it would help to clear things up between the two of you. Is he trying to get back in your good graces? What does he want right now?
It seems like he's jumping through hoops to prove he can be a good egg.

BowlingAlleyLawyer · 1 year ago

I'll be honest with you, I am not sure WHAT he is thinking. Last week I thought our 3 hour meet up at Waffle House was for us to talk/work things out, but he said he didn't know what he wanted and I took that as meaning he DIDN'T want to work it out. I was mess... crying and sad and all that. Then I decided that would be the last of showing him how torn up I was and have been calm (with him) ever since. And ever since then he has been being this perfect guy that I wanted him to be before. He's doing things for himself that I always did and complimenting me and asking me to dinner and calling me and texting and emailing me everything he is doing... this is the guy he was 3 months ago when things still good (but honestly,, I hadn't realized how "bad" they had gotten. I was trying to give him space before the big move-in, and he took that space and filled it with a distraction). I have learned that the bulk of the "cheating" was via phone and email. They had only one "date" and that was the one I busted up when I found out from her boyfriend what was going on. He left her sitting in a bar to come to me. And he hasn't seen her since. (I get to know all this fun stuff thanks to her boyfriend! I am NOT asking Drew about it)
So, what was I saying?! I guess I am saying his mouth is saying one thing (NOT back together) and his actions are saying another. We are still going through the motions of moving all my shit out though... but he is making "dates" for me to come over and go through stuff together (?!). Maybe the Push/Pull Theory is right... the more I push him away, the more he tries to pull me back.